The Twelve Cocktails of Christmas

On the first cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘Can I have one without the umbrella because it’s a bit gay!’ (No, here have one with a blue umbrella if it helps you feel more masculine.)

On the second cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘My second Pina Colada, is there much alcohol in these?’ No, just think of it as a health filled juice break

 

On the third cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘You said we would be having the weaker ones first and you could run a car on this Margarita.’ (To which I answered, ‘Suck it up or go home.’ So they did, suck it up, not go home)

On the fourth cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘What is in a Long Island Iced Tea?’ (30mls of Vodka, 30mls of Tequila, 30mls of Bacardi, 15mls of Cointreau, 15mls of lemon juice, 15mls of sugar syrup, 30mls of coke, a cherry and orange slice on the side and ice as far as the eye can see!)

 

On the fifth cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘Gill we are ready for the next cocktail, oh good it’s a pink one, how many have I had now?’

On the sixth cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘Is there more food coming, I need to line my stomach?’

 

On the seventh cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘I threw up on your plants, I am really sorry.’

On the eighth cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘Why is the drunkest person here washing the dishes?’

 

On the ninth cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘What else is there to try? B52s or White Russians but please don’t take your shirt off!’

On the tenth cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘Someone peed in the sink in the bathroom!’ (which was just a random drunken rumour as I found no evidence of this.)

 

On the eleventh cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘Perhaps you should stop now or you will be driving the porcelain bus all night.’

On the twelfth cocktail of Christmas my true love said to me, ‘Here take some Nurofen Plus for the road and goodbye until early next year when we have all forgotten the horror the morning will bring and people start to ask for another cocktail party.’

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!